Txt phone jokes

I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages. After sexy time, the man receives a text message. The woman asks "Who's texting? She says she's at the movies with you. So here are some codes for the more mature The other day I saw a girl texting while driving. Doesn't she realize how dangerous that is?

She had no concern for all the people she was on the road with. I thought of all the other motorist that she was putting in danger with her reckless behavior and this pissed me off. So I rolled down my windo If a problem causes too many meetings, then the meetings eventually. If all else fails, read the destructions. If all the economists in the world were laid end to end, they couldn't. If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

If builders constructed buildings the way programmers write programs,. If doctors' intellects were as big as doctors' egos, this would be a. If everything appears to be going well, you obviously don't know what.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. If it's not in the computer, then it doesn't exist. If it's rational, if it's logical, and if it makes good common sense,. If man's best friend is the dog, where does that leave the rest of us? If mathematically you end up with the wrong answer, try multiplying by.

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one. If one views his problem sufficiently closely, he will recognize.

If someone gives you so-called good advice, do the opposite; you may. If the facts are against you, argue the law. If the law is against. If the first person who answers the phone can't handle your question,. If the gods had really intended men to fly, they'd have made it easier. If the government hasn't yet taxed, licensed, or regulated it, then it. If the nation's economists were all laid end to end, they would point. If the plating work that we do for you is defective, we will refund.

Will that be satisfactory? If the shoe fits, you're not allowing for growth. If the thought of growing old bothers you, consider the alternative. If the universe is indeed insane, who is the asylum keeper? If this is the land of the future, why are we all so given to. If truth were a matter of opinion, then the majority would always be.

If you are feeling good, don't worry; you'll get over it. If you can keep your head while all about you are losing theirs, then. If you cannot convince them, confuse them. If you cannot logically refute a man's arguments, not all is lost.

If you cannot understand it, it is intuitively obvious. If you disinfect the pond, you kill the lilies. If you doubt that Rochesterians believe in God, watch how they drive. If you gave a monkey control of its environment, it would fill the. If you live among the wolves, learn to howl like them. If you think that mental illness interferes with financial success,. If you think that no one cares that you're alive, try missing a few.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. If you want to make people angry, lie to them. If you want to make. If young women often do marry men like their fathers, no wonder their. In America, the Secretary of Agriculture catches hell for unmanageable.

In a mad world, only greater madness succeeds. In a permissive society, the cream rises to the top In a world that runs on deceit, deception, and duplicity, the honest. In any organization, there are only two people to contact if you want. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In designing any type of machine component, no overall dimension can.

The correct total will. In doing good, avoid notoriety. In doing evil, avoid self-awareness. In hell, treason is the work of angels.

In jealousy, there is often more self-love than love. In order to obtain a loan, you must first prove that you don't need. In some countries, Chaucer and Dante are the classics. In this. In the Beginning, God created the Organization and gave It dominion. In the final analysis, entropy always wins. In third-world politics, the people with the guns call the shots. Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. Inside every short man is a tall man doubled over in extreme pain.

Instead of worrying about the boxes in your organizational chart, be. Institutions are more rarely overthrown from without, more often. Isn't it strange that the same people who laugh at gypsy. It doesn't much matter whom you marry, for tomorrow morning you.

It is a grave error to allow any mechanical device to realize that you. It is axiomatic that even the strongest of men will fall before a. It is better to add life to your years than it is to add years to your. It is better to be envied than to be consoled. It is better to resign from office than it is to die in office; that.

It is difficult to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so. It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

It is often easier to find the truth than it is to accept it. It is only in Aesop's fables that an elephant takes advice from a. It is probably better to be insane with the rest of the world than to. It is the manner, and not the content, that marks a gentleman. It is when the irritation of doubt causes a struggle to attain belief. It is wrong to repeat gossip, but what else can you do with it?

It takes twenty-five dumb animals to make a fur coat. It takes very little to make a woman happy, and more than is contained. It's difficult to soar with the eagles when you work with turkeys. It's not social oppression that moves wild-eyed revolutionaries; it's. It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you place the blame.

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. Journalism, like prostitution, is a career in which just one foray. Just because you are paranoid does not mean that no one is following. Justice must not only be done; it must be seen to be believed. Knowledge can cure ignorance, but intelligence cannot cure stupidity. Labor disgraces no man, but often a man disgraces labor. Last weke I cudn't even spel kumpooter programer and today I are one!

Leftover nuts never match leftover bolts. Less of a good thing is sometimes better - ask anyone on a diet. Life is a learning experience; the diploma is your death certificate. Live every day as though it were your last. Live within your income, even if you must borrow to do it. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with. Lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for. Luck, it is said, dislikes working double shifts.

Making this world better will gain you the greatest credit in the next. But he damned well doesn't live without it, either.

Many know how to flatter; few know how to praise. Marriage is like burning the house down to toast the bread. Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. Mayflies continually plot to topple the cedar. Measure twice 'cause you can only cut once. Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have. Men heap together the mistakes of their lives and create a monster. Middle age is when you wonder if your warranty is running out.

Monotony is the law of Nature. Observe the monotonous manner in which. More men are sheep in wolves' clothing than the other way around.

Mother Nature applies all her rules Motor gently through the greasemud, for there lurks the skid demon. Murphy's Law: If it can go wrong, it will Fisher's Law: Murphy was an optimist.

Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. Never argue with a fool Never claim as a right that which you can ask as a favor. Never climb a fence when you can sit on it. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. Never eat prunes when you are famished.

Never embezzle more than your employer can afford. Never get into a fight with an ugly person. He has nothing to lose. Never get mixed up with economists. Their thinking is muddy and they. Never have so many people understood so little about so much. Never invest in anything that eats or needs repainting. Never let your sense of morality stop you from doing what is right. Never make the same mistake twice Never marry a woman who prays too much.

Never mistake good manners for good will. Never question your wife's judgement Never trust anyone who laughs at his own one-liners. Never try to teach a pig how to sing. It is a waste of time and it. Never underestimate the power of stupidity. Never, ever trust anyone under 30 or over Never, ever, insult a telephone answering machine. They have ways of. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as. No class of Americans has ever objected to any amount of government. No man's knowledge goes beyond his experience.

No man's life, liberty, or property are safe whilst the legislature is. No matter how bad your kid is, he's still good for a tax exemption. No matter how long or how diligently you shop for a machine, once. No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. No one ever found marvels by seeking them. No one gets too old to learn a new way of being stupid.

Nothing dispels enthusiasm like a small admission fee. Nothing in our history is plainer, or more tragic, than the gulf.

Nothing in the universe arouses more false hopes than the first four. Nothing irritates a standard American corporate executive quite so. Nothing is illegal if businessmen decide to do it. Everyone can use a good laugh now and then. Since texting is the most common form of communication for many people, why not work a few textable jokes into your repertoire? From classic one liners to contemporary puns, these 50 textable jokes translate well on the screen.

For more goofy humor, here are the 40 Best Jokes About Turning And for cleverer jokes, check out the 30 Funniest Jokes from Celebrity Roasts! Want more laughs? After the case is given to the jury, the lawyer and his client wait for the verdict, which doesn't come in for days. After the second day, the lawyer the tells his client to go home, and he'll let him know as soon as the verdict Wife and husband are in the living room.

She's doing stuff in her computer, while he's sitting on the couch typing on his phone. At one point, wife's cellphone receives a message. Her phone is charging in the kitchen, so she stands up from her desk and goes to the kitchen. At the kitchen, she looks up her phone and se Historians have discovered that human rights activist Malcolm X was actually just called Malcolm He was rather affectionate at the end of his text messages.

Jokes on Trump. No, really. A lot of people come up to me and they ask me. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of math y I asked Siri to tell me a joke She replied "You have no new text messages". Beware of a new scam message going around I just got a text message saying "Congratulations you are the winner of the Elvis tribute competition.

Heath ledger and Jack Nicholson walk into a cell phone store The cellphone salesman looks at Heath Ledger and asks him what type of cellphone he would like, he says he wants the best cell phone they have. So the salesman hands him the best cell phone they sell and also asks him if he would like a text messages and data plan. Health responds of course I will, The hare and the tortoise The hare and the tortoise were having a rematch.

This time, they decided to race through Europe, starting with London. The plan was to race to Dover, get the ferry across, and go along the French coast, across Belgium, Germany, and head north through Denmark. The hare figured that his fur wo A woman is calling her cell provider Woman: I don't get my text messages Tech support: Have you tried reading them again?

What is your favorite Joke? I'll start with mine A young man named david had recently asked the love of his life out on a date for dinner and a movie and hopefully a little bit of fun at her place afterward.